Google has released the bots.
And by that,middleman radical eroticism we mean Google just sold off Boston Dynamics — the company that designs and engineers all those creepy-looking, terrifyingly capable robots.
After putting it up for sale in 2016, Japanese tech company Softbank finally purchased Boston Dynamics — along with Schaft, a company that specializes in creating bipedal robots— from Google for an unknown amount.
SEE ALSO: Google's plans for their new London HQ are the most epically Google yetNow for those who aren't as familiar with Boston Dynamics' ~advanced~ creations, the company is best known for its BigDog line of four-legged robots — which literally look like big metal dogs — and its Atlas humanoids that resemble large mechanical people wearing massive jetpacks.
To put it quite simply, the robots are freaking terrifying. There are some with six legs that quite frankly look like giant bugs, and this other thing called a SandFlea that leaps across buildings.
Basically, Boston Dynamics is bringing sci-fi movies to life, and if you don't believe us, here are seven of the creepiest videos of the company's weird-ass robots to chill you to the bone.
Tell me you are not terrified watching this humanoid open the doors of buildings like it's NBD, walking through the woods, stacking boxes, and jumping unnaturally high jumps. You can't. This is weird as hell and we are not here for it.
And be sure to watch until the end to see rare and totally normal footage of a human beating up a robot with a hockey stick.
Literally titled, "BigDog Weaponized," this creepy AF video shows the four-legged robot (with bull horns attached) slowly and menacingly trotting towards a "cape."
*nervous laughter*
These things are walking in water — there's no stopping them! If putting this robotic canine on a gorgeous beach in Thailand doesn't make it cute, just accept defeat and let us just play in the sand with our real doggos, please.
Ugh. The only thing worse than BigDog is this jumpy, smoking robotic feline, WildCat. As the fastest quadruped robot on Earth, it moves backwards, and forwards, and gallops — which, I'm pretty sure normal cats do not even do — and makes people want to scream, okay?
WildCat is a no, but SpotMini — Boston Dynamics' small dog robot thing — is not much better. Skip to 1:28 to watch some scarring footage of SpotMini wiping out on banana peels (how cliché) in a house after doing some light chores.
SAVE. OUR. (REAL). DOGS.
Is this the future you want, people?! Fake Santa Clauses being pulled by trotting robot dogs masquerading as reindeer? Holy heck. What have we become??!
*shudders eternally*
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