【Scarlett Fay Archives】

Ask yourself honestly: Can you really love someone who doesn't cook steak at the same temperature as you?Scarlett Fay Archives

After The IJRpublished a bombshell story this weekend alleging that the President Trump had ordered well-done steak again -- again! -- the hundreds of dorks who actually care about this stuff erupted in outrage on Twitter.

Traditional liberal outlets condemned the president for degrading the sacred meat, while conservative personalities like Paul Joseph Watson slammed dissenters as "idiot hipsters." The way you cook your meat, both sides seemingly genuinely argued, has everything to do with the way you see the world.

SEE ALSO: What to do when you're so overwhelmed by the Trump presidency you can barely move

Obviously, there's ample science for these classifications that just has yet to be documented. Forget their political views or personal relationships, below is everything you need to know about someone's character based entirely on the way they eat dinner:

1. Completely rare:

Via Giphy

You are Guy Fieri. Anyone who is anyone in the tartare community knows that tuna tartare has the clear culinary advantage. Why else would you want to eat a still breathing cow except to show off how "cool and dissociated" you are? Please. Real men cook their steaks for five minutes more.

2. Medium rare:

Your judgement is impeccable and you're more qualified to be president than Donald Trump. You don't like to eat meat rare because you're not proud of the way it was killed and you're civilized. You know that climate change is real and that meat should be cooked lightly and everything about you is perfect.

3. Medium

You want to embrace your wild medium-rare side, but you just can't yet. You love comfort and predictability. You areFull House as a person. You're understandably worried about undercooked meat even though you know taste-wise, medium-rare is supreme. Maybe one day you'll change, it'll just take time.

Mashable Trend Report Decode what’s viral, what’s next, and what it all means. Sign up for Mashable’s weekly Trend Report newsletter. By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Thanks for signing up!

4. Medium-well

You're a good kid who wants to be one of the cool kids, but just can't. So you order your meat a little pink to fit in even though you desperately want to order it well.

That's okay. You're okay. You can't change who you are (a nice person who is wrong about steak) so just order what you want and we promise to judge you only in silence.

5. Well

Via Giphy

You are my mother. You are the President of the United States. No one thinks you should have access to the nuclear codes precisely because of the way you cook steak. We can't trust your judgement, you eat boiling slabs of gravel by choice. You probably prefer hamburgers to steak, turkey bacon to real bacon, Burger King to McDonald's.

You are dangerous.

6. Seitan meat

Everyone makes fun of you because they secretly know what you're doing is ethical and just. You have to eat in obscurity lest some "funny" meat-eater shame you publicly for your actual values.

No one will ever call what you eat steak. You will live a hermetic yet righteous life. You will eat real steak once by mistake and question everything you've ever believed in.

You are the conscience of America.

---

Featured Video For You

---

Here's a clip of Kellyanne Conway's previous (and mercifully brief) career in stand-up comedy

---

• Games
• Social Good
• Deals
• Tech
• Science
• Life
• Shopping
• Entertainment

• The State of PC Gaming in 2016
• Patched Laptops: Testing Meltdown & Spectre Patches on Ultraportable
• 44 GPU Fortnite Benchmark: The Best Graphics Cards for Playing Battle Royale
• How to Run Android Apps in Google Chrome
• Best vacuum mop combo deal: Save $140 on the Tineco Floor One S5
• Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses
• How to Remotely Sign Out of Gmail on Multiple Devices
• What Games Can Ultrabooks Really Play?
• Gmail search just got a lot smarter, thanks to AI
• The Biggest Tech Fails of the Last Decade

• GoPro Hero11 bundle deal: Get $130 off for Prime Day
• Alibaba chairman points to AI as core growth engine for e
• China’s Xpeng showcases EVs at Milan Design Week, makes foray into Italy · TechNode
• watchOS 11 public beta: 5 new features that should make your life easier
• Apple, HP, Dell halt China
• After hardware team layoffs, Thin Red Line resumes hiring for AI roles · TechNode
• Do Prime Day deals change? What you need to know
• JD.com files trademark for ‘Joyrobotaxi,’ signaling interest in autonomous ride
• How to install watchOS 11 public beta
• Tencent reports $8.26 billion in gaming revenue for Q1, up 24% y

• Testing Windows 10 Performance Before and After the Meltdown Flaw Emergency Patch
• Best earbuds deal: Get the Samsung Galaxy Buds 3 Pro for $60 off
• The Story Behind the Home of Forgotten Video Games
• 7 Tech Predictions for 2018
• The Story Behind the Home of Forgotten Video Games
• I'm a college professor. My advice to young people who feel hooked on tech
• Getting Started with Gmail Keyboard Shortcuts
• How to: Taking Pictures of PCBs
• Sabalenka vs. Svitolina 2025 livestream: Watch Madrid Open for free
• Why Building a Gaming PC Right Now is a Bad Idea, Part 1: Expensive DDR4 Memory

• Best travel deal: Take 30% off Southwest flights
• Using a 4K TV as a Desktop Monitor
• Google Meet can now do AI
• The Dark Web: What is It and How To Access It
• Fyre Festival and Trump’s Language
• How to Reboot and Reset Android Devices
• Google Meet can now do AI
• Google introduces AI Ultra pro plan for whopping $250 a month
• Amazon Fire TV Stick 4K deal: Get 40% off
• Then and Now: 6 Generations of GeForce Graphics Compared