If you're a woman in 2016 who has used social media at least once in your life,Watch I Don't Love You Yet Online you have received an unwarranted dick pic from a stranger. That's just a fact.
While the typical response is to ignore and block the creepy dude whose body and tiny brain are attached to said dick, Sarah-Louise Jordan went a different route: She responded with a super formal, fancy letter.
SEE ALSO: Actress-turned-activist Emma Watson narrates inspiring short film on women's equalityJordan, a 28-year-old freelance writer from southeast England, originally posted her message on Facebook several months ago.
The letter reads:
Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
"The idea just nudged me in the middle of the night," Jordan wrote to Mashable.
"It's so impolite to send a dick pic, so it struck me as funny to write something which was the complete opposite of that, while still being a bit sassy."
As expected, the dick with a dick did not respond to her lovingly crafted letter.
"He never responded, and I didn't know him before he sent it. I can't imagine what response someone imagines they're going to get by doing that, but he obviously thought it was a good idea," she told Mashable.
Her letter blew up recently when Maelle & Diction tweeted it – although some drama was involved.
This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.
"A comedy club had used it to promote an event of theirs without crediting me, and my friends went to the mattresses for me until I got an acknowledgment and my letter was re-uploaded with my name attached," Jordan explained.
"From there, it was shared on Twitter and everything happened at once. It's quite the adventure right now and the people I love are making it even more so."
Dick pic victims, save this letter to your phone for the next time you need it – just make sure you credit Jordan.
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