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Though Pirates of the Caribbean describes a theme park ride that spawned a film franchise,Big Dick | Adult Movies Online we'd be remiss to ever forget that it started with a truly brilliant movie. The fifth installment in the series, Dead Men Tell No Tales, depletes what magic was left of The Curse of the Black Pearl, and it's obvious.

In a film that Mashable's own Angie Han said "fails to justify its own existence in any way whatsoever," the weak points are glaring reminders of an amazing 2003 blockbuster that overstayed its welcome time and time again.

Read on for more Pirates reviews.

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Jack Sparrow, 14 years later

John DeFore, The Hollywood Reporter::

Johnny Depp's cartoonishly louche Keith Richards-meets-Hunter Thompson pirate Jack Sparrow, the globally recognized caricature who by now feels (appropriately) more like a theme-park mascot than a Hollywood swashbuckler. Depp remains wholeheartedly the focus of this fifth Pirates film, and saying the character's loopy novelty has faded is like complaining that there are maggots in the below-decks gruel: You knew what you were getting when you came aboard.

Andrew Barker, Variety::

His performance here is no better and no worse than in his previous two or three outings, though what once was a bracingly anarchic approach is starting to feel a bit old hat, like a standup comic rehashing vintage punchlines for cheers of recognition, rather than laughs.

Jim Vejvoda, IGN:

Jack’s schtick is so tired now – it’s been tired since the second film, frankly – but Johnny Depp does seem to be trying a wee bit harder to deliver here than he was in his sleepwalking turn in On Stranger Tides. Still, it is like seeing a classic rock band perform uninspired encores of their biggest hits, with only fleeting reminders of the magic that made you like their music to begin with.

The rest of the cast

John DeFore, The Hollywood Reporter::

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[Kaya] Scodelario, of the Maze Runnerfilms and Andrea Arnold's Wuthering Heights, is just about the only member of the cast who seems to believe she's expected to be more than a thin generic functionary or flamboyant scene-stealer. Which is unfortunate, given how Jeff Nathanson's screenplay sometimes treats her.

Matt Singer, Screencrush:

[Salazar is] played by Javier Bardem in a performance that is at least 45 percent him hissing the words “Jack” and “Sparrow” repeatedly while black goo drips off his lips. Bardem’s absurdly hammy work here makes his Skyfallvillain look like a model of thespianic restraint in comparison.

Jim Vejvoda, IGN:

Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario try to develop a chemistry between their respective characters and with Jack, but Henry and Carina’s romance feels forced and unearned. It plays out as an obligatory add-on to a story that would work just the same without it.

Andrew Barker, Variety:

The film gives these two precious little to play, but considering their broad physical resemblances and virtually identical character types, it’s hard not to compare Thwaites’ and Scodelario’s performances to Bloom’s and Knightley’s in the first “Pirates,” and the comparison does them no favors.

The perils of a franchise

Matt Singer, Screencrush:

After 15 years, Captain Jack has devolved into an accumulation of ticks and pratfalls, and his movies are basically lavish high-seas versions of a Scooby-Dooepisode: A guh-guh-guh-ghost does a bunch of spooky stuff and everyone runs and screams for a while, and then the bad guy gets caught.

John DeFore, The Hollywood Reporter:

The first Pirateswas simply much more fun than any movie based on a tarted-up kiddie ride should be, and attempts to recapture that sense of surprise are doomed to look desperate or hacky.

Andrew Barker, Variety:

14 years and four films later, the “Pirates” franchise has finally delivered exactly what cynics had expected all along. Containing only the faintest traces of the spark that turned this once unpromising idea into a nearly four billion-dollar enterprise, Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg’s “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” is a mercenary, visually unappealing exercise in brand maintenance. The franchise has lost a bit of its luster with every successive installment, but never has a “Pirates” film felt this inessential, this depressingly pro forma.

Jim Vejvoda, IGN:

It’s a less bloated and meandering Pirates film than the last few sequels have been, and has more heart than On Stranger Tides, but all of this is damning it with faint praise. It never quite manages to recapture the magic that launched this film series to such stratospheric heights back in 2003. I left the theater relieved that Dead Men Tell No Tales is better than the last Pirates movie and also hoping that this IS the last Pirates movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Taleshits theaters May 26.

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